medium crazy

storytime

Once upon a time, yesterday to be exact, my workplace got a new cafeteria food vendor. Now in a large corporate type workplace, this is a big deal. A HUGE deal. See, every day, everyone would head upstairs to get their coffee and maybe their bagel or what have you before they shuffled off to their desks to reply to emails all the livelong day. But on Monday morning as they made their way into the cafeteria, everything had changed! The bagels were different…there were new breakfast sandwiches and new insane kinds of muffins like lemon poppyseed and crazy new cream cheeses like scallion that were set up in a totally different location…and everyone froze and looked nervous and afraid. And at lunchtime, everyone was excited and scared because they didn’t know what they would be eating! And they weren’t sure how much things would cost so they couldn’t bring exact change with them! One woman in particular wandered around and around, visibly upset, and I overheard her friend ask, “Does anything look good?” And she replied, stubbornly, worriedly, “No!” But the truth was, things did look good. They had pizza and macaroni and cheese every day! And new shocking things on the salad bar like roasted asparagus and fennel! The people were uncertain about what was to come, yet also excited, much like Jon Gosselin, and they put their fears aside and tried the new food. And it was good! And they knew that in time everything would be okay. The End.

not sure

Is 10 am too early for chocolates?

email from my mom

Anytime you think this Mexico honeymoon issue brought you stress…just think of the position that the Craig’s list killer’s fiancee is in!

fingers crossed.

My pick was for Anoop to go home this week on AI. Let’s hope he tries to do something Usher-like again tonight.

just when i thought the economy couldn’t get any worse…

Click link

ugh

I just read the police report on the Chris Brown thing from Smoking Gun and am now feeling a little sick. It’s really horrible.

for M.

Click link and enjoy…

prediction: trends that will never, never return

Remember how you used to wear ripped jeans or bodysuits or tie dye or Uggs or gauchos or really low rise jeans or chunky heeled platform shoes or ponchos or stirrup leggings, and now you’ve donated all the stuff? And then like 10 or 15 years goes by and you’re like, wow…neon is back, how in holy hell did that happen?

I recently declared that the curled teased bangs of the 80s and early 90s were a trend that would never, ever return. But almost as soon as I said it I realized I could totally be wrong. Some style trends that I thought were permanently dead have been showing up lately on celebrities, like acid wash, pegged jeans, hammer pants, and fluorescent colors. I also thought shoulder pads would never ever return, and then I saw this picture from a recent red carpet:

And then this one:

These do seem to be mostly confined to celebrities who are alleged fashionistas and not so much loosed on the general public. But who knows? We all saw what happened with leggings.

With that said, there are some things that were once popular which I am willing to predict will never be in style again. NEVER. My predictions include:

1. The Perm. In my memory, everyone had one. This will never be again. Because they smell and are frizzy and grow out badly. Unless there have been some major advancements in perm technology, which is very possible. Part of me hopes this one actually will come back, because I have the straightest hair imaginable and it gets old. Though, it is nice not to have to wake up early to style my hair with Pump n’ Curls like the old days.

2. The Scrunchie. Remember when you would have been a clueless nobody if you secured your hair with anything other than a scrunchie? Remember when a scrunchie was not just a hair implement, but also something you had to wear on your wrist at all times, as if to say: My scrunchie is readily available if a ponytail is ever needed? The scrunchie will never come back because there are women out there who still use them. Generally these women have a style similar to that of Melissa Duggar, mother of 18. When they wear an aqua colored sweatshirt, they will wear aqua colored socks to match. Also, scrunchies will not come back because they were too thoroughly ridiculed in an episode of Sex and the City. (“No self respecting woman in New York would be caught dead wearing…a scrunchie!!)

Honestly…that’s it. I had actually started to write this post a while back and never finished it, and during that time like 5 of the things I thought would never come back actually have come back. So…I’m going to play it safe. Anything else you think will never come back in style?

little baby girls are so cute and awesome

Congratulations Sara!

some things i’ve thought about today

Why did I have to schedule an afternoon dentist appointment for this Friday when it’s going to be about 5 degrees out?

Even though I’m dreading the 5 degree dentist appointment, I’m hoping the TMJ specialist can help me put my jaw in the right place in my head.

Did I hate the Bikini Girl on American Idol for legitimate reasons or because she looked that good in her bikini?

If I had left work and gone to a movie for the afternoon, I really don’t think anyone would have known the difference.

My eyebrow pencil has gotten down to a little nub but I’m waiting for Lancome to have one of those promotions where you get free stuff before I buy a new one. What does this say about me?

I keep hearing that Friday Night Lights is actually really good so I’m considering that as the next show after the Wire. Even though I don’t like watching anything pertaining to football.

Today I sent M. undeniable photographic evidence that Angelina Jolie is more beautiful than Salma Hayek and he conceded. Victory = sweet.

Why can’t I feel a little peppier? I want to be like a little dog that wants to run around and play all the time, but instead I’m much more like a cat who wants to curl up, glare and be left alone. I know the real solution to this — the simple way to increase my pep and change my very personality — and that solution is to start drinking coffee.

Last night M. pointed out that “sautee my vegetables” sounds dirty.

There is almost no point watching Jeopardy if no one is there to witness it when you get a correct answer.

Thank god Bush’s farewell speech will preempt Kath and Kim instead of the Office. I bet his advisors warned him that making us miss the Office would end things on a very sour note.

My brother laughed at me when I asked him what defragging my computer was and how to do it.

I think planning the small details for the wedding is actually more enjoyable to me than figuring out the big things. I like these kinds of tasks.

I emailed my bridal party on Sunday night asking them to order their dresses right away because I had waited until the very last minute to make up my mind, and they’ve all already done it. They’re all so awesome and I really love these girls and am so grateful to have girl friends and family members like them.

Thinking about everything wedding-related has been making me strangely emotional lately (see above).

new rule

Friday M. and I played a game of chess and about 20 minutes in I made a tragically boneheaded move and lost my queen. I then invented and immediately enforced a rule which states that if you lose your queen, the game is over because it’s impossible to win. M. tried to argue that it’s technically still possible to win the game after losing one’s queen and so we should continue to play and complete the game. And I was like, didn’t you hear me? I said I just created a rule.

adventures in fitness

So, I’m not really worrying about the scale, and no I’m not saying I need to lose a lot of weight or anything. But I did do something I’ve never done before: I took my measurements. Particularly in the hip region. And I was like, whoa, that is not one of the digits I was expecting to see. See, I did not have the foresight to purchase one of those super flattering wedding dresses that cinches in at your waist and then flares out so that under all that tulle and shiny stuff, you could have the hips and heinie of Jessica Alba or Rosie O’Donnell and no one would know the difference. Instead I chose a slim fitting dress that is probably intended for those women who buy clothes with very very small numbers on their tags. I bought the dress for the body I would like to have, which is generally not advisable. So: the goal is to knock a couple inches off of my womanly (<– kind euphemism) hips and also to get into slightly better shape than I was in during the last year, which is basically a blur of Gilmore Girls and Annie’s mac and cheese. (But for the public record, I would like Annie’s mac and cheese to be served as part of my Last Meal. Thanks.)

So: I totally bought into the Tracy Anderson hype. She’s the person who trains Gwyneth Paltrow and Madonna and she’s been getting a lot of publicity lately. And I got sucked in! It’s just that if you go to her website, she’s all hard bodied and she’s like, “I can turn your body into a totally different body not at all resembling your own.” Yes, I realize I should be skeptical of this sort of claim. But instead I bought her dvds. One of them is a dance cardio workout, which requires so much space that it’s pretty hard to do at home. Also, the dances are much harder to learn that I was expecting. I practiced the first one for like 45 minutes and I still can’t keep up with her.

For Christmas M. gave me a gift certificate for ten pilates/yoga classes at a nearby studio. I went to a class called “Pilates with Props” which involved a number of balls and bands and rings. I was thinking, oh pilates, it’s a nice calm little workout. Well, during that pilates class I almost pulled every muscle in my body and was sore everywhere for three subsequent days. The woman who taught the class is forty years old and has the body (and pep) of a high school cheerleader. She gave us all these insane moves to do where I was honestly a little nervous I might seriously injure something and have to be carried out of the class by EMTs, and the whole time she was like, “We’re smiling! We’re having fun!” It was kind of an effective little mind game.

Incidentally, we have our wedding food tasting this weekend, Jessica is talking about going out for fondue, and Casey is talking about getting stuffed cupcakes during our next visit. I don’t know exactly what a stuffed cupcake is, but it’s something I’m interested in finding out more about. It can’t be broccoli and brown rice all the time, people.